Live, Laugh, Love. Stay Young.

Cancer

My first personal experience with cancer was back in 1988 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I knew it was cancer even before going through all of the tests. Somehow my body just knew it.

Against the advice from my surgeon I elected for a lumpectomy rather than a full mastectomy. Luckily my oncologist was very familiar with all of the tests that indicated that a lumpectomy had the same success rate as a mastectomy but was much easier on the body. The only downside was that with a lumpectomy I would be facing five and a half weeks of radiation therapy that I would not have to go through if I elected the mastectomy. There was no lymph node involvement so I did not have to have chemotherapy.

I elected to take part in the Tamoxifin study which required taking the estrogen blocker drug for five years. It caused early menopause which in my case resulted in extreme hot flashes. At the end of the five year period I threw a huge party for all my friends to celebrate that I was drug free at last. The highlight of the party was letting go of a big bunch of colored balloons and watching them float away in the sky just like my drug side effects were floating away.

Fast forward to my mammogram in September 2003. Like all of the other mammograms since 1988, the results were clean. But in November I found a small lump. This time around I was sure it was just a false alarm, but I went to the doctor anyway. That was where things turned. Not only was it cancer, but this time there were some invasive cells. Because the tumor was in the same breast, lumpectomy was not an option as you cannot receive radiation twice in he same breast. Therefore I was facing a mastectomy and possible chemotherapy. Due to my age and the fact that my self esteem is not connected to the size of my breasts I elected to have both breasts removed, thereby almost guaranteeing that cancer would not return to my breast. The benefits to this decision were that I no longer have to suffer through annual mammograms and I don't need to wear a bra! Some clothes don't fit like they did before, but I am revamping my wardrobe accordingly.

There was a new test available to help determine whether the cancer had spread through the lymph system. In 1988 they removed quite a few lymph glands and luckily I did not suffer from lymph edema (swelling of the arms) as many people do. This time they tried the new sentinel node biopsy. In this procedure they inject some radioactive dye into the tumor site and wait to see which lymph node it goes to first. Then they can biopsy only that node. If it is clear it means the lymph system was not affected. Unfortunately in my case the previous radiation had affected the lymph drainage system in my chest so much that the dye didn't move from the injection site. Because so many lymph nodes had been removed previously it was not an option to remove more, therefore there was no way of knowing whether or not the cancer had spread beyond the breast.

Because we did not know whether or not the cancer had spread my oncologist recommended a moderate regimen of chemotherapy, a four month treatment plan using Cytoxan and Epirubicin. These are both very powerful drugs. Because the Epirubicin can affect your heart they first did a mugascope test to be sure my heart was in good enough condition to take the drugs. Of course I passed that test!

The drugs can destroy your veins, so a port was placed in my left shoulder. This allowed them to put the chemo drip right into a major vein which flowed fast enough to dilute the drugs before they could destroy any blood vessels or veins. Unfortunately I got an infection in the port after the first chemo treatment and had to have ten days of antibiotic infusion. Because they couldn't use the port that meant sitting still while the antibiotics dripped into my arm. The first day a vein blew while I was having the treatment. This was by far the most pain I felt through the whole cancer ordeal. Over the weekend I had to go to the hospital for my treatments and they put a thing in my wrist that would stay there and allow them to do the infusion that way. That was so much easier, although it was a little hard to sleep with it in my wrist. The port in my shoulder also made sleeping quite a challenge. It is about the size of a contact lens case and stuck out under the skin. Sleeping on my stomach was impossible.

The surgery wasn't bad at all, I heal quickly. The worst part was the removal of the drains about a week after surgery. That hurt a lot but it was great to get rid of them. I had the port removed a month after my last treatment. My doctor prefers to leave them in just in case more therapy is needed but I had had more than enough of that thing. Luckily my doctor will listen to what his patients want and not totally dictate what they have to do.

I had chemotherapy treatments once a month for four months. The day after each chemo treatment I went back to the doctor for a an injection of Neulasta, a new drug that helps prevent low white blood cell counts and thus prevent infection. This drug worked very well in my case, when I would be tested again in two weeks all my blood counts were totally normal, even for a healthy person!

The major side effects I suffered were fatigue and a really bad taste in my mouth. I couldn't eat anything with iron in it so that left out steaks and hamburgers. Mac and cheese never tasted so good! I spent a lot of time in bed watching television and sleeping. I was too tired to even turn the pages of a book. Reading is my favorite leisure pastime so that was quite frustrating. I luckily did not suffer from nausea, the new drugs they use now helped keep that away completely in my case. There was a chemo-induced fog that made the colors of the world look very gray. I didn't realize it then, but I was also looking much more gray at the same time. Pictures from that time show a very pale me that I almost don't recognize.

My last chemotherapy treatment was in June 2004, but it took well into August before the mental fog started to clear. I immediately turned to my love of travel and took to the road both for a change of scenery and to escape the prison my house had become. Today my memory of that time is fuzzy at best.

I am once again taking an estrogen blocking medication, this time it is Arimidex. The side effects for me are much the same as Tamoxifin although I also suffer from pretty extreme fatigue. But if has any chance of preventing me from getting breast cancer again or of the cancer metastasizing to another place in my body I'll put up with fatigue for five years.

I have taken away some very large lessons which I gladly share with anyone willing to listen. The first and most important lesson to me personally is to live life for today. I spent many years on the traditional corporate path working hard and saving my money for retirement with hopes that I would someday retire and enjoy time to play. I started to notice how many older people have come to that place in their path where retirement should have started only to find their health failing or some other event standing in the way of their freedom. That is why I have made a very big effort to take off and travel around this beautiful country at least several months each year. This is my semi-retirement that allows me to travel while I am still healthy enough to fully enjoy it.

The second lesson, the one that I make a big point to pass on to everyone I can is that my mammogram was clean in September 2003 and I found a lump in November 2003, less than two months later. I don't want to think what would have happened if I had waited until my next annual mammogram to find the lump. Regular self examination may have saved my life. This is my message to every woman, no matter her age.

The really odd and totally unexpected part about all of this experience is that I learned it was much harder emotionally for me to lose my hair than it was to lose my breasts. Being bald and having snot-nosed kids at grocery store checkout counters call me Mr. was the thing that exposed my deepest feelings about myself even more than looking in the bathroom mirror in the mornings and seeing my father looking back. Today my hair is back. The nice full-bodied curls didn't last, but I'm very thankful just to have hair again.

Although I would never have chosen to have these experiences, I am thankful that I did. I know my life is better because of them. I am very aware of how important it is to live in the present and to not sweat the small stuff. My chances for long term survival are not much different from anyone, (you could be killed by a bus tomorrow) but once it's up close and personal you realize that any moment may be your last. It sure makes life sweeter when you know this deep down.

If you have any questions about my cancer experience I would love to hear from you. Please send an email to me and I promise I will get back to you.